Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
