me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
