He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
