Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
