I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
