I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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