oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
