It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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