he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
