Screwed.edu
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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