Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize