i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
