I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
