butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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