All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize