So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have fence marks all over my body
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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