It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
