1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
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