Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we made out on top of his cat.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
