so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
