This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
