I cut my penus on the lid.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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