You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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