I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
