Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
