You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
