im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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