He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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