I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
