Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
