i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
