I looked at my own cervix.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
