The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
