I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just pee around me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
