Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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