i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
