thus making me awesome and them whores
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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