he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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