i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize