I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
