I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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