yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize