You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
