I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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