this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
