I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
