I just saw a hot homeless man
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
