If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
