Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
