He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
