i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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