It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
