Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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