I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
