You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
