I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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