Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
why is half of my head shaved?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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