It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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