Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
