isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
