This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
