Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
