She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
