i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
