i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
