hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Only a mothe r could love this liver
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
