Define "chronic" masturbator.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
