There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
